I would give anything to get rid of my acne. I’d try any snake oil, any diet, any new experimental medication regimen. I’ve already tried a lot of these things, but the acne persists. It’s the gross kind of acne, too. Not just some redness or run-of-the mill closed comendones on my forehead – it’s the big, angry red things that show up all around my chin, mouth, and nose, that fill up with an oily head of white puss and sometimes pop when I talk or even smile. Did you recoil just reading that? Yeah, that’s how I feel when I look in the mirror most days.
Before you get all up in my comments to tell me the treatment or diet that works for you, I’m going to stop you. I’m glad it works for you, I really am, because no one should have to live like this. But it’s insulting when people assume that after having this condition for over a decade, I haven’t already explored all possible avenues, that I haven’t been down the rabbit hole of r/skincareaddition or that I haven’t sat crying in my doctor’s office for the umpteenth time while she prescribed me yet another medication.
Here’s what I know: my acne can be cured quickly and efficiently with hormonal birth control pills. It’s worked in the past, and I am sure it would work again in the future. But I can’t take that medication anymore because it exacerbates my migraines. When forced to choose one chronic health condition over another, well, at least I can go to work with a pimple (even if I do want to put a paper bag over my head).
So anyway, my outfit. I liked what I was wearing. I chose it specifically for my first day back at the office because I thought it was classically professional. This sweater lends itself very well to being tucked in. I’ve become friends with the lovely woman who is part-owner of the company that made these pants. It should have been a confident day.
But no matter how hard I tried to be happy with it, all I could see was my skin – red and puss-filled, and peeling thanks to a round of topical antibiotics and Benzoyl Peroxide I applied a few nights ago (very good at killing bacteria, also very good at making your face peely and itchy). It’s tough to see in the photo because I’m wearing makeup and I upped the exposure pretty heavily, but it’s there.
I came very close to dropping a bunch of money on a new K-Beauty haul from CVS after work (a bad habit I am prone to when I’m depressed about my skin) but thankfully I stopped myself, and my spirits were lifted after a good evening of rock climbing with my husband. I made a new friend in the locker room who said she loved my hair. Not a total wash of a day.
This post was a bit of a downer, but that’s real life sometimes, right?
Sweater: Everlane Cotton Crew, Frost Donegal ($100, wearing size XS)
Pants: Bill + Jay Kate Pants ($174, wearing size S Petite)
Shoes: H&M (old, similar here)
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